This weekend feels complicated for me. I’m thinking about the crucifixion of Jesus, and I’m wondering why we would celebrate the state murdering an innocent person. I’m wondering why we would laud a father who chose not to use his power to stop it and call him loving. I’m wondering why an all-powerful God would create a system where brutal violence is required for relationship. I’m thinking about how this ideology conditions us to normalize violence in our interpersonal relationships and in society at large. None of this is good to me.
This isn’t the first time I’ve had these questions. But, “God’s ways are not our ways and we can’t decide what’s good,” would ring in my mind as the spiritual band aid that could be used to dismiss any tough question without actually addressing it. This doesn’t work for me anymore. Dismissing my intuition has consistently led me to place myself in positions to be harmed. I’m practicing embracing my autonomy to make choices that bring me joy.
Today, I’m choosing to celebrate what is good to me. I have the freedom to reject oppressive theology. I can choose to believe in God without the baggage that has caused me harm. I can spend time with my loved ones. I have community that is wrestling with the same questions. I can glean from the wisdom of those who have gone before me and have provided insight on these questions. I can use critical thinking to see when doctrine is being used to manipulate or control me. I can deal with my emotions rather than dismissing them with a spiritual platitude.
I have hope that my faith is growing to place that will bring liberation and healing for myself and those around me. And that is what I call good.